Here’s an urban myth — don’t care if it’s true or not.
Story goes that a construction worker had been given his last warning about drinking on the job. Being a hardcore alkie, he solved his problem by soaking his socks in vodka and wearing them inside his work boots all day, getting drunk anyway!
I say again — don’t care if it’s true or not, I just really want to believe it. I’m sayin let’s go “MythBusters” on this one. We have the technology.
For several years, DPW Playa Restoration has been stockpiling a cellar of rotgut vodka that not even we will drink. (Have you ever tasted “Vodka of the Gods?!) All we need now is a Sunday off, some volunteers from the audience (would DPW have some takers?), and socks.
(If it works, this could be a start of a new DPW tradition … “Vodka Sock Sunday?”).
So, If we’re going “MythBusters”, it’s got to be scientific. Subjects have to start out sober and be monitored through the day. We could have different subjects with different proof vodkas. Different subjects wearing different liquor socks, such as whisky socks, gin socks, rum socks, and of course, tequila socks (should keep a close eye on Mr. tequila socks, though…!), police like sobriety tests, medics on hand, so on and so forth.
Putting it out there, ideas started popping up –
“Is there enough surface area on the foot?”
“What if they were to wear knee socks?”
“Maybe if you put some incisions into the skin…” Yikes!
“Wouldn’t it be better to soak your underpants in vodka?” That might burn some…!
Then a conversation about filling rubber boots escalated into wearing fishing waders and topping them off at your chest…!
That might kill a person. We’d have to rush the subject, Houdini style, and slice the waders open to save his miserable life! Not sure we have that much rot gut vodka, anyway…
And, of course, there’s always one in the room: “How bout a vodka soaked tampon up the bungee?”
Yeah, um, thinking that a regular vodka cranberry cocktail sounds pretty good right now. You keep them ideas coming, though. Come to think of it, this just might stay a myth after all.
Naaaaaaah!
Stay tuned for results and don’t try this at home – leave it to the professionals…!
:D Well, this just warms my cockles. I love the way we think. Thanks for sharing, Coyote!
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Speaking of Mythbusters – Wasn’t there an episode where they did a taste test of really crappy vodka after filtering it several times, and found that charcoal filtering could turn bad vodka into decent (not great) drinkable stuff?
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Laughing out loud funny Tony. Wear the waders and please take pictures!
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I can’t wait to read the results of this experiment, Coyote. If you happen to move forward in testing the hypothesis – and wind up playing Igor Stravinsky’s “Rite of Spring” note for note on your saxophone – I’ll know it was an overwhelming success!
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The “sock-chugging” (copyright Sparky 2012) idea just might work. Heck, I’d be willing to give it a ‘shot’… one sock at a time, of course.
But the vodka soaked tampon idea is a risky one. See:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/25/butt-chugging-wine-alcohol-enema-university-of-tennessee-pi-kappa-alpha_n_1913575.html
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I’ve found a blog entry that claims this doesn’t work :
http://www.thenakedscientists.com/HTML/content/interviews/interview/1521/
I’m dubious about the vodka suppository or tampon idea also because the anus isn’t really about absorbing. I’d expect a vodka enema would get you drunk because though that presumably reaches you intestines, so just stick your beer bong up your ass. :)
We cook with bad wines not merely because they’re cheap but because the obnoxious taste imparts more flavor. You don’t eat raw onions either but you sure cook with them. I therefore propose that DPW explore various vodka based recipes, like vodka chili dishes.
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“should keep a close eye on Mr. tequila socks, though…!”
hahahahaha!
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Coyote, you may wanna go with wool socks – they hold moisture longer then cotton, less evap. If you do this on the playa, soak said socks first in body lotion. Body lotion vodka cocktail for your feets is healthy & there is still room for bacon!
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