Vodka Socks

Coyote is Black Rock City Superintendent and an original member of the Department of Public Works. Photo by Vertumnus; click to enlarge.

Here’s an urban myth — don’t care if it’s true or not.

Story goes that a construction worker had been given his last warning about drinking on the job. Being a hardcore alkie, he solved his problem by soaking his socks in vodka and wearing them inside his work boots all day, getting drunk anyway!

I say again — don’t care if it’s true or not, I just really want to believe it. I’m sayin let’s go “MythBusters” on this one. We have the technology.

For several years, DPW Playa Restoration has been stockpiling a cellar of rotgut vodka that not even we will drink. (Have you ever tasted “Vodka of the Gods?!) All we need now is a Sunday off, some volunteers from the audience (would DPW have some takers?), and socks.

(If it works, this could be a start of a new DPW tradition … “Vodka Sock Sunday?”).

Just a sampling of DPW’s excess rotgut. Photo by Jessica Reeder.

So, If we’re going “MythBusters”, it’s got to be scientific. Subjects have to start out sober and be monitored through the day. We could have different subjects with different proof vodkas. Different subjects wearing different liquor socks, such as whisky socks, gin socks, rum socks, and of course, tequila socks (should keep a close eye on Mr. tequila socks, though…!), police like sobriety tests, medics on hand, so on and so forth.

Putting it out there, ideas started popping up –
“Is there enough surface area on the foot?”
“What if they were to wear knee socks?”
“Maybe if you put some incisions into the skin…”   Yikes!
“Wouldn’t it be better to soak your underpants in vodka?”  That might burn some…!

Then a conversation about filling rubber boots escalated into wearing fishing waders and topping them off at your chest…!
That might kill a person.  We’d have to rush the subject, Houdini style, and slice the waders open to save his miserable life! Not sure we have that much rot gut vodka, anyway…

And, of course, there’s always one in the room: “How bout a vodka soaked tampon up the bungee?”

Yeah, um, thinking that a regular vodka cranberry cocktail sounds pretty good right now. You keep them ideas coming, though. Come to think of it, this just might stay a myth after all.

Naaaaaaah!

Stay tuned for results and don’t try this at home – leave it to the professionals…!

About the author: Tony "Coyote" Perez

Tony "Coyote" Perez first set foot in Black Rock City in 1996, where he immediately went to work, ultimately becoming the Department of Public Works' Site Manager. He is renowned amongst the staff as Burning Man's Poet Laureate, as well as being an accomplished saxophonist with his band "Second Hand Smoke."

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