i am glad i proved to myself that i could survive but as an artist and music maker and lover i was super disapointed in the quality of music and quality of art. i listened to a lady putting a cardboard cutout of a fin to the top of a golfcart n attaching xmas lights like she was building the empire state building.

the event seemed to be a place where straightlaced ppl with lots of $$ can run around with no clothes on and pretend to be artists and musicians.

i also heard lots of ppl discussing stocks finances insurance etc yawnnn even if the ppl at burningman did welcome me with open arms i fear id just fall asleep.

i dont need a week to be myself or find myself. im an artist 100% and i dont need a huge desert to hide out in or to be a freak in.

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so each night id get on my bike and ride. i looked at ppl and smiled and tried to look friendly. but each night i looked around and most ppl seemed to already have friends and groups and noone seemed all that inviting.

riding my bike at night was fun. talking to one artist at her artwork was fun…however the entire time i was there i think i spoke to 5 ppl total each of these ppl was kind of rude and kind of made it seem like i wasnt saying the right things or i wasnt drunk or out of my mind on drugs so it seemed i was no fun. i was offered a granola bar and a mint the entire week i was on the playa. not that i expected handouts but i did hope for more welcoming ppl as a whole.

i think part of my lesson about y i difnt have a goodtime at burningman was i controlled myself, i prepared and was almost able sans water n porta potties to 100% sustain myself in those conditions without assistance from seriously anyone.

i think the experiences alot of the ppl have r when they r resortung to relying on others for help because they were unprepared. my friend received a carton of smokes for the access to water that he gave me so that was even. i had made little journals with custom designs on each to handout. i only handed out 1 the entire week.

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I think it’s great to have these personal stories. I remember before my first burn reading in the Survival Guide or somewhere that BM can be a real challenge on relationships on the playa. Naively, I thought that didn’t affect me in my 10-year relationship. So we practically split up at the point where the Man fell, it was awful and I had a terrible burn night. The next morning I was out early, channelling my dark mood into picking up MOOP and I remember hearing “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips from the “Wilson Phillips Pancake Breakfast” drifting out across the playa. It made me smile and that was the route back to happiness.

The next year, the burn and the Man falling was perfect and all the more special because we could look each other in the eyes and remember how different it was a year ago.

So let’s hear more of this stuff because it’s stories like those above that might get through to people that BM isn’t just a 24/7 party as opposed to a rather clinical “BM can be emotionally tough” message. To have a fuller experience, you need a sprinkling of dark times. And if there was ever a place to have them and have yourself surprised in how you might be able to deal with it, it’s BM.

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This sounds like disappointment but it was my 3rd year on the Playa and I had gotten used to stuff not happening as scheduled. No this was more like dressing up for the party and the building is empty when you get there. I literally had gone to the bathroom (its own adventure at BM) and when I got back they had came and went. I had an awesome time with them the year before but you can’t step in the same river twice. You have to learn how to ask “what new thing can I do next?”

Coming up on my 6th year on the Playa, and I breakdown every year. If I don’t get so emotionally overloaded that I break down sobbing I am not doing my burn right. You need to swim out beyond the boundries, you have to bring your whole self and then leave it behind because of something new. You have to learn that if one lifechanging awesome experience leaves you behind there will be another along in just a few minutes.

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im going to read it again, and possibly share it on facebook, so others can hate it too.

keep up the bad work, fucko…

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I had some moments of “what the fuck am I doing here.” I was grumpy and annoyed with everything. I probably would have joined you in a bar fight or the BMIR – Monticello battle if I knew about it.

I pride myself on being honest and not letting petty bullshit bother me, but in true Black Rock City style, I was out of my comfort zone and the city was showing me that I’m not as tough and even-keeled as I think I am. When I’m faced with a crisis or some difficulty, I withdraw, strip away emotion and do my best to solve the problem logically.

That was out the window in BRC. I cried like a baby in the temple, I walked around grumpy. That is until a giant tree was being driven down a street and I won Burning Man and cheered others on as they did. I shouted Shakespearean Macho Man Randy Savage-isms to a man being pulled in a chariot.

A few times when I felt grumpy, I retreated to center camp and relaxed in the shade. Another time I was there in the evening and a very attractive girl asked if I would help bring her friend’s bike back to her camp. I rode the friend’s bike and she rode hers. I think I missed an … “opportunity” at her camp, but I was in a good mood again after being useful. She gave me a glowing, blinking palm tree or something, which I gave away after.

Burn night I was with some people who were engrossed in Enchanted Woods (right? The wooden tree things) to notice the burn was getting close, I felt myself getting grumpy so I walked toward the man. Someone handed me a glow necklace thing then vanished. I smiled and walked over to the man watching the show before and the fucker burn after.

As soon as I thought I was never going to be challenged again, BRC slapped me in the face. My biggest challenge in life — personally and professionally — is getting over some big childhood problems. I spent decades avoiding them and only recently started addressing my issues, but Black Rock City really FORCED me to confront them.

This time will probably be the same. I’m looking forward to an epic haboob or two, brutal heat, dust, annoying people, long lines to get in and out of the city …

And, have a fucking horrible day.

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I was pissed and depressed and wanted to write in my journal without being bothered. I walked down to Center Camp and sat down at a desk they had set up there that had a big sign over it that said “COMPLAINTS” – which was freaking funny, by the way.

So I am writing in my journal, and these folks come over and say, “Are you taking complaints?”

I look at them like.. ‘are you serious”.. and I get that they are. So I turn to a blank page and say, “YES I AM.”

From that minute on, for the next 6 hours, I took people’s complaints. And I had a ball.

By the time I stopped, my frustration was gone and I was HAPPY that I actually made a difference to lots of other people who got to vent, gripe, moan, question, and generally let go of their bitchiness to someone with a non-judgemental ear.

I enjoyed it so much I wrote up all the complants and dropped em on my website.

If you care.. they are here:

http://www.stagger.net/burning_man/bm2006/complaints.htm

What’s the real lesson? I don’t know.. but for me. Embrace the misery.. and see where it takes you.

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